The Gift Named Nasywa Khoirunnisa

Hari ini, saat pagi meretas menyambut datangnya hari

Tak pernah henti syukur itu tertutur dari mulutku

Seolah esok tak pernah ada hari lainnya menghampiri

Puisi Cinta Chapter III

Apabila kilat cinta telah menyambar hati yang ini

Ketahuilah ada cinta dalam hati yang lain

Apabila cinta Allah bertambah besar dalam hatimu

Pastilah Allah menaruh cinta atasmu

Kebijaksanaan Illahi adalah taqdir

Yang membuat kita cinta satu sama lain

Karena taqdir itu, setiap bagian dunia ini

Dipertemukan dengan jodohnya.

Dalam pandangan orang bijak :

Langit adalah laki-laki dan bumi adalah wanita

Bumi memupuk apa yang telah dijatuhkan oleh langit.

Apabila bumi kekurangan panas, maka langit mengirimkannya

Apabila ia kekurangan kesegaran dan embun, langit memperbaharuinya

Tanpa bumi bagaimana bunga dan pohon bisa mulai berkembang

Kalau begitu apa yang dihasilkan oleh air dan kehangatan langit

Sebagaimana Allah memberikan keinginan kepada laki-laki dan wanita sampai akhir

Sehingga dunia akan terpelihara oleh kesatuan mereka.

End Of Year Reflection

Life is always not a simple things for anyone of us. But what of that? Because in our life, we no need people to make you feel inferior without your concern. Being a master to your own life, even it is not so simple as we say it trough our tounge.

In this life, I  learn how important we recognize ourself. That is become a starting point to explore what we like to do or we don't. We have to learn how to be our own best friends  , that is the correct words. Knowing ourself furhter , because if we dont,  we will fall too easily in to the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Self Confidence, we need as an inside power that most of powerful strength for us to keep alive against the difficulties. If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.

Love what we have. Even it is a dissability, unbeauty, and other things that make people frowned while discovered our lack. Properly unfitness provide a valuable lesson in our lives. That perfection only own by the creator of the world. But often times we did the contrary things. We never like stay in the border, own flecklessness, shortcoming,  poor or even ugly. We are really so human and controlled by our hormon that always feel hungry of glory, happiness, easiness. 


Sometimes, desire and strong longing have blinded our heart. Always feel hunger  for ambition. But if at the moment we want to follow it, it open our eyes if this is kind of never ending road. Like The Game , we will continue to rase chasing false dream.


I meet all above case in life.  I know I still can do much in this life, but at least knowing that reaching the upon stars need sacrifation in life. Following the proccess. And believe that every step we make create by the drops of our sweat and tears . What a wonderful life, God, Alloh SWT builds a way for every dreams that should be reached.


Be thankfull for every bless, difficulties, problems and the collour of our life. It is really not bad being a mother, a worker, a citizen in the same time. Just like the flow of the rivers, follow every scence that runs in the life. 


2010 is already left behind. Prepare ourselve for the resolution of the new year. Doing The Best at every moment that will be passed is a great expectation in my heart. Being better person each day is a simple little thing that need sincere intention.


Good bye 2010, and Welcome 2011. May Alloh SWT always bless me the easy way in reaching the dream that has not been able to achieved in past time. Hopefully...

When I desire to write

The time passed so quickly. Seem I leave my little world for a century. The World that give me so much space, freedom and honesty to put all from my brain. I really miss the moment.  I feel the spirit anytime I start to write.


This little room let me express anything. Not necesarilly limited by space and time. What I can see very clearly. About my life, about the happiness I found, about the sorrow that I always it will end sooner about anything I want to write.


What I call as soul finer. The place where I can honed intuition that I never revealed to others. At the time I feel that this is the place I belong. Yelling what I could shout and tell the honesty when others dont wanna listen. I could whisper to the things that people think it is very unreal.


Yes, I love writting. Write anything if people said it's just a trash. I love my world. The smallest space in the world. 

This is my home. Where there is my love life, the moment I feel ups and down. The place that only recognize me as the host. And I always miss the moment when I can express the idea and the imagination I have inside my head.

Present for My Birthday

Today is my birthday. Since this day, I am become 34 years old.
As every single of my day, I fill it with pray and hope. But today, since last night there is one pray that I really expect God to make it to be true.

I really hope God listen to this pray...

Dear God,
Please wep my tears all the way. Make me stronger than I was yesterday. Please make me as the precious things of my kids' life. That ever of us can feel the heart beat of each other. Do not ever leave me in sadness, the emptiness and my sorrow. Please confince me that there are my little angles wait for me always. That I dont need those tears, no more. La Tahzan.. please wep my tears all the way..

As my hope, I really want my children grow up and be good person. They could choose what life they want to do, but still responsible to their life. I want they will always love me, not only in the words but also lies in their heart. They are very important life for me. Please make them strong, tough and belive what their heart say. Very confident to be good person. Let them always lay in my heart, when everybody leave me for a reason, but they still very loyal for me. There is no other the pray I wanna ask mostly then for the happiness for my kids.


I hope you will make my pray come true. Thank you for listening me , God. This is I called my Birthday Present, at my age of 34.

Letter for My Children

Dear My Children,

What I will write here is because I wanna let you know about how I feel about you.
About the love, carrying, devotion, and my great attention that I never told you before. For now, you are still kids. I believe while you are grown up, you can read this and understand how wonderful the love of a mother is.

I always be proud of you. There is some special feeling at the moment I have to told other people about you. About your progress, about your cheerfull, your funny statements or even your naughtiness that often made me worried. I am always excited while telling them about the detil of your life.

One day you will know, how big a mother's sacrifation for making her babies happy. She will offer her life for those happiness, I can guarantee that..

If only the wind can help me for whispering the message to your ear, it will tell you about my world that I always want to present it to you. That a half of my life is in yours. That my love for you doesnt care about seasons, time and distance. It is everywhere. It is the air you breathe. It is the blood that lies on your body.

My dear,
Be anything you want. Dont ever think I will never agree to the road you've already chosen . Be an expert to the that road. Do the best you can do. I never ask you for something that you can't. But love what you already decide for life. Because I never keep my distance with you, even if you ask me to. I always wanna be around, even only in your heart.

My life will never be enough without you. For many reason I am alive, it would not so bright as you give me shine. If I have 2 wings, I would fly to heaven, and spread the happy news about the way you are exist for me.

I know my hands could never write any beautiful words in this world without you fill my heart. Even for the sorrow things I have met. You always be the best for me. Exchanging the weakness become a great power.

I know I am not the perfect mother as you excpet me to be. But during the sound that rhyme my heart, it always beat about your name. You are my heart. You are the rhyme of my life. Who fill my soul with the most beautiful song ever.

Let me be the most unerase name from your heart. Let me be the one who write that name on your heart. I always listen to what you say. For your sorrow and happiness and if none will hear you, I will be the one who cares. These hands will never be function optimally without for touching your hair, letting you sleep down on my laluby as you always did it at time you were a baby.

My pray will never stop running from my mouth. For every detil moment that pass you bye. For every activities you make. For every place you be around. Only by praying I could present you the best thing in this world. For keeping you always for each unreachable place from me. That will make me so save. Lettng you grown up and being a mature person.

May God always give me time for wathcing the precious moment of your life. Starring at your face when you meet your happiness and the important time of your life. I wish..

Keeping pray child, always pray because God always listens to what we say. God never sleeps. And always give us the best time to approve our pray. May you always be a tough person, useful person, and brave to challange anything that possible come to your life. And prayer will make you so. Anad I will help you trough my pray for night and day I was sent .

May Allah SWT always listen to a mother's pray.


Lampung, 3rd June 2010

I dont want to be Desperate Mom

Spend time all day with my kids is all things make me happy. It become my inspiration to what I want to write right now.

How happy I am if untill the end of my time, I was blessed for being aroung with my kids. Seeing them raise, grown up , and for every important moment of their life. Till I close my eyes and leave this world forever. I wanna be the first people watching greatest moment in their life.

But, I know. What I expected to be happen not always what I've got in my hands. I dont know much about life. About how being loosing and having in my life. The line between having and loosing is so close. Sometimes it make me feel no different between those 2 things.

Maybe if I have to loose them or no longer arround them, I just wanna let them now right now. That I will never live far from them. Because I lie on their blood. I am the air anytime they are breathing. I am the wind that blowing their life. There are so many prayer of mine along with them. I wiil never keep distance even if I am far away for real.

I will no longer feel desperate of my life. Even for the bitterness comes to me. For many reason I know, I am exist for them, for keeping them in good place, for many reason in the name of their happiness. I should never be desperate for something that I do not understand.

I have to be strong and leave the desperation. For the painfull, for hurt, for the wound that was my best friend. Its only me. With weak hands and trying to reach my divided soul.

I dont want to be desperate mom. Even I know, there must be sorrow in life. But one things I know for sure, I have to live for them, I have to keep breathing for them, for any reason in the name of their happiness. That my time is running out still. Then doing much for them untill it will be end forever.


Inspiring by:
Our togetherness, Me, Nisa, & Syauqi

The People Most Inspiring Me Much

This is the list of the people I know in this world that already inspiring my life very much. It influence my point of view, the way I think about something, accept the differencess and sometimes become the guidence to see some problems. Here comes the list ....


Dra. Hj. Sugiyah
She is my mother. Born in a small place in Jogjakarta, 20 June 1943. She is a tough woman and already prove it to her family, including me as her daughter. Eventhough she only works as an elementary school teacher, she knows better how to maintin her family and supporting her husband by her own way. I am proud being her daughter.

Nila Prasetyo Artiwi.
She was born in Teluk Betung, Lampung Province, 1 October 1975. My best friend since I was a university student at Technic Faculty University of Lampung. So talented and modest person, but behind her modest I found a great spirit that I didnt find at another person. Some bitter episode of her life didnt make her stuck in the sad situation. But more, how she has to pass it all the way. Her dedication to her family was not adoubtfull. She told me by how in 10 years she taking care a sick mother, until she passed away. Her story often inspiring my life, very much. Maybe it because very close in emotional bound. How I must keep strong in bad situation, and survive during the unespected hard time. We rarely meet, because she lives in Jakarta now wiht her little family, her husband and her son. She never know, that her best friend actually is her fans.

Eko Setyo Mahanani.
I meet him during my postgraduate study in Malang. He is my class mate. Just like Malangnesse call, I call her "Cak Eko". Knowing him, make me meet his family too. His wife and his children become my best friend too now. Born at malang 12th February 1974, works for Public Work Official of Malang Local Government. He is kind hearted person. He help almost most of the class by giving facility and another during the school. He never think his friend will give him back. My friendship between me , him and his family change to brotherhood. For me he and his wife is my older brother and older sister. In my difficult time during the school they always support me much and always give me direction whenever i need it. What I learn from him and his wife in ther modesty they try to serve other better or even the best. They are so helpfull and respect friendship that is more than everything in the life. They never know that I become inspiring by their love and care to me and other friends. That being useful person is so great, they got more than friendship, but like family as they never thought before. I love these guys, may Alloh always bless this family with many kindness and blessing.


Lydia Angelina Karema.
She is more than thatn just a friend for me. But like the nice sister that already sent by the God to me. She was born in Manado, 19th May 1973, a catholic people. At the first time I meet her I can see many great things lies on her. Mature, Briliant, kind hearted, understanding and helphul peple of course. We often spent time become a room mate. She never know that she was inspiring me in life because of her kind attitude. Very wise young lady under her age. There is minahasa, chinesse and holand blood in her body. Make a perfect kharisma lies on her. Often time speak Manado language even to me. That is why I know some vocabulary of that language during my study. I never meet the very understanding and kind hearthed chinesse woman like her before. From her i learn much about faithfull, belief, friendship, keept smiling to people arround , even sometimes they give us a bad words. Always being positive in every ways. That is what not every people have in their life, including me.I love you my sister. You never know, that I could come this far because I ever know you in my life. I learn much from you. May God always bless you in every step you make. I love you, Mbak Lydia...friendship forever..

The Light I call : Nisa and Syauqi

If you have child you will know how they are so meant to your life. That your own life no longer important better than theirs. That is what I feel about them right now. How I can feel that they could ease my pain and sorrow by only showing their nice smile to me. Suddenly, all of the misery of mine will go only in a few minute.




They are the light of my life. Yes, it is. Nothing could change with others bright light. The only things I know, that their light is the only guidence to reach my end of time. I will gain anything for them. For having the light always be bright as I expected.




I love the way they love me. Even sometimes, they do the things that make me upset and bit angger, I still believe on them. I seem me on their body. Cos my blood is on their blood.






I can always remember, how they smelt. If I close my eyes, I can recognize which one is Nisa and also with Syauqi. Their smelt make me drunk, drunk of their love. That they never ask me much, better than my love. They always understand me, anyhow, anytime, anyplace.

Make me always being strong , dear. No matter how much I have to bet my life. I will give it all, my everything to find happiness for all of you. I believe I can, as long as you always here, with me..


With so much love,
Dedicated to : NASYWA KHOIRUNNISA & M. SYAUQI HAFIZH.

Me and My Expectation...

As we know in this life we can't always get what we want. But that is the time God, Alloh SWT shows us the best in our life..What we think the best for us, but not in God's eyes..

Since young, I like studying very much. But I never dream lately i can come this far. Got the scholarship from Public Work Departmen, and find alot of experience meeting great people in my life, that is the most important..

Reflect from my parents, I liked being a lecturer at the first time. But my life open the chanche for me to apply my education by the place where I belong right now. As a government officer that concentrate to infrastructure field , I have to combine both between the brain and my physic. This is the man's place. That is why I have to work at least the same as the man do and push me tough in spirit maintain the short term for better work. Very hard work. But that is my life now. Even I know, right now I still havent done many to the place I work, yet. But I really want to contribute my abbility to my country, as civil engineer must do to their country.

My work make me close to the farmer. As Indonesia is an agrarist country and expect great amount from the rice field. I learn them how important the PArticipatory Irrigation. Need their participation for make better irrigation in this country. It open my eyes that they supported much to this country. But sometimes they dont get enough attention from the government. It is challangging work. Helping them serving good irrigation, and knowing them far. Even I have to come to the rice field oven time to meet them not in formal meeting. But thanks God, I love and enjoy this work.





Working person and a mother for my kids. Hard enough. That is the time I know how I should be perfect in their eyes. Trying my best maintain their need. I wish i could be a home mother for them. Not working around, leave them for working. If my friend told me i am the lucky one because I am working mother, I answer that they are completely wrong. I never think this far. At the young age I ever think about being non working mother. So I can focuse my life taking care of them. But once again, that is just a wish.






After finishing my postgraduate study, I really want to make another progress. Wanna reach the higher education. I dont know why I really wanna reach Ph.d. Some people say that no need for me to reach that. But it's not like self satisfaction, but more about what I would do after that. Wanna present something different to this country. But it's only a wish. I just can hope, God listen to what I pray.








I like making friendship. I believe if we have many friends it will keep us alive. Just like Propet Muhammad SAW says " Silaturahim can keep us alive" (Hadist Riwayat Buchori Muslim). I have alot of friends from all over the world. I like doing this cos it help me open my view about anything that i dont know in this life. The more different profession they have, the more make my eyes open wide that actually I still dont know much about this world.








I wanna be a usefull person. Bring benefit to others. As the propet Muhammad SAW, said : "That the better man in this world is the one who always bring benefit to others". I wanna keep the propets said in my whole life time. I wanna be better man as He said. To be more emphatic to other people is always I want.


During my life time I always meet great and kind hearted people. They are inspired me much. One of a friend told me, "You will meet the kind people in your life, because you are so kind to them too.It's naturaly sist, if many people was so kind to you" It make me learn about the words for any minute. Try to find it on the books. Is it true? that we will be served kindness from others if we are also kind to them? For now on..I believe that words. Many miracles i found in friendship. I was helped very much from those guys. I dont want to forget the miracle I found from each of my friends. They encourage me much, support me and always listen what I said even we are very far apart. They are my inspiration in life. I learn much from their life without they know at all.







Always want to be better each day. That's what I want to do in my life. Not easy thing, I know. But at least I am trying. I have to learn much. For make what I am dreaming of to be true. As wise man said that the life began from our dream. From dream we know what we have to reach. Even its very far away upon the sky. I wish I could ...

My Happiness..becoming a mother Part II

Dear all readers,
This time I want to share about the story in my life. The fact that I dont have wait too long for having my second child. The pregnancy was very well better than the first time. I didnt have morning sicknes, still could do my daily actifities in work, supervising the project and often time went out of city for that work. Seem I enjoyed my pregnancy from day to day until this baby is born.

In my pregnancy 6 mounths doctor said that my baby will be boy. How happy I was while knowing that. My daughter also happy that she knew the new baby will come from her mother'stomach as she told me. Not much preparation I did cos almost stuff still exist from his sister.

Finally the birthing time is come. At 12 am I found a little blood on panties so I directly went to birthing house. But seem the baby still didnt want to birth..

I have to wait until 5.30 pm until the baby was birthing. I was so happy at that time. That I was blessing with God having the 2 cute babies.

You may guess, that my daughter welcome her brother with all of her heart. She likes her position as older sister. She helped me prepare the diaper, powder, soap and any other things of baby needed. She always wondered that she could have a brother now so she is no longer being alone. She tried to remember that her birthday is on 21st April and her brother is 8th February.

I forget telling you that my baby boy was named as Muhammad Syauqi Hafizh. I found that name on internet and the meaning of his name is the people that loved by the God. I like watching his progress. I really enjoyed the time cos he is a cool baby, so much better than his sister or maybe it because I am more expert than facing my first child. He sarting has teeth at 8 mounths, walking in 11 mounths and spelling his first word at 18 mounths.

Now he is 3 years old boy. He takes so much interest in any kind of transportation mode. He likes aeroplane , train, and truck very much. It made me often time camming their action on my handphone cam. Before go to sleep he usually shows that movie and gives some comment on the video.



He likes the music too. Everytime he listens to the beat music he move some part of his body following the music. No other expectation from a mother better than can watch the baby grown up and healthy. I always say it to my heart. Always pray and hope God always carrying my children. Giving them the best way in their life. Loving people that they know and doing good things in their life. I hope so...

My happiness : becoming a mother..! (part I)

No one in this world say that becoming a mother is an easy thing. A mother has to face new circumstances while she meet a new world as a mother in her life such as pregnancy, birthing, breast feeding. those words also the most thing words in her vocabulary that she cant never forget in time. For many mothers this words are blessing from the God. This write is all about the happiness I got while I got my babies.

The first time i found that blessing is on 21st April 2004, 1.20 am i gave birth my 3 kgs first child, a baby girl that lately I named her Nasywa Khorunnisa. I found the name from the internet and mix those 2 names. It is from Arabic language. Nasywa means the one who brings happiness , Khoirunnisa means the best female. I give her a nick name as Nisa.

What I expected from the name is she always bring so much happiness wherever she is and make people happy to know she is around. I really hope that the God I (Alloh SWT )will bless her for every goodness, happiness, and always being useful person to the world.

I also find many difficulties in taking care of new baby. I often find any miracle and also my worried in the same time. Always sleep over night while Nisa is just 0-3 mounths. She cried loudly and if she did that, sometimes i just wonder what happened with her cos i think she is feed enough milk. Lately i know, if she sleep in the wrong position or if she just feel sweety she will cry.

On the age of 9 mounths she start too eat some mild poridge or biscuit. Seem she likes if the taste is sweet but i know if thats forbiden for baby if eat much sweet things. At the same time se start having a teeth. It sign by the fewer to his body and want be better. At time i saw her, i found new teeth is grown up.

She start walking in 11 mounths. Firstly she like to hang on a chair, table or any streng things in front of her. At her first brithday she got a 3 wheel bycicle as birthday present. How happy she was while she have that. Every day she rode that bycicke and horn the bel. She liked the bel cos it will playing some music. And from that time she left her stroler as her ride. If I looked her seem I can feel her happines. The happiness of 1 year baby. But I told myself that No mother in this world will be happy without watching her babies happy.

Now she is grown up and already school at kindergarden. She starting learn to read now. Everytime I saw her smile I always feel happy. Always thankful to God that already send me my Nisa and her happiness even I know not every single time she could be so bright and cheerful. She often time disobey the rule i gave for her. Maybe my rule didnt make her happy.

But I learn much about this happiness. I never wonder no more while knowing that parents will present anything in this world just for the babies. If this world could be present for them they will do so.

Thank you God, for giving me this children. Help me to accompany them in time they are grown up and lately get married. Bless them by becoming a good child and always be useful person to anybody.

I love you Mbak Nisa...